I’m at school from 8 in the morning till 5, then have an hour bus ride home so I walk in the door of my house every day at around 6:15 then after eating and taking with my padres I finely change out of my school uniform at 8 and at that point I want to change into my pajamas, watch Yo Soy with my parents and scroll through facebook to see what’s going on back home. And that is my everyday. It’s not physically taxing, just mentally. Right now there is a CRAP TON of pressure on us to learn Spanish so I carry around little flash cards and practice on the bus and practice with my mama and papa but after a while you do get tired. It’s like constantly studding for a huge test. Your mind is mush at the end of the day and all you want to do is vege.
The other day on the bus there was a brief moment that I thought I smelled my house in the United States. It was fleeting but it was still there. When I got home 10 minutes later I just lied on my bed thinking about home. Remembering what it was like to sit around with my family curled up in our big soft quilts, while we watched Star wars. I would usually pop popcorn and we would drink tea out of the big cups with ice cubes in them. I haven’t had a drink with a single ice cube in it for 2 months. Then my mind wonders even farther then ice cubes and thinks about grandma’s special tea or the way my dad’s footsteps sound when you’re in the basement and he finally gets home from work. Then before I know it I’ve been staring at the ceiling for 10 minutes just thinking. Or not thinking. I’ve never not thought so much in my life. I’m the kind of person that’s always thinking, dreaming, or analyzing. I don’t know why but it’s just who I am. But here it’s nice to just not think. It’s quiet and peaceful. No traffic or Spanish. No broken English or things to do. No worries about world affairs or how grandma is doing.
Please don’ let this blog trouble you. I’m having the time of my life. I carry my camera in my book bag and take pictures of everything. From a bug on my hand to the street vender on the corner. I smile and laugh more each day as I slowly learn that my family is actually quite funny. I dream about the next step in life and wonder where this experience will lead me when I get home.
I’ve changed a lot. Definitely for the better. I’m happy because I want to be happy. I’ve learned complete emotional control. I cry only when I let myself and I don’t let little things bother me like only having one writing utensil for school. Enough is enough. People can call me stupid or dumb to the whole class and I don’t mind really. If they need to proclaim my inabilities to the whole class to make themselves feel better then whatever. I’m doing the best I can. I’ve become more mature in that regard.
Well that’s enough rambling for one day. I’m going to go to my Tia’s shop next door and hangout over there until my parents get back from work. Thank you all for the support!
Sincerely,
The Deepest Part of Carmen’s Thoughts.