To change the subject into a more personal matter that… is honestly something a bit hard to say (not because I am a perfectionist but because I am a feeling person) this exchange, although wonderful and life changing, hasn't been easy for me. Especially recently. Many things probably contributed to my "incident" but it happened none the less. I… *deep breath* I took a little 3 week stroll in the forest of depression. And was literally one word away from coming home during the 2nd week of May. My struggles have been real. They have been dark. And they have been scary. It was a level of homesickness like no other, a level of self-loathing like no other, and a level of confusion like no other. But Carmen Jagger does not fall off the horse and not get back on. If my last name says anything about me it is that I am a hard worker and by golly I didn’t work hard to get here to quite right before the finish line. So when I was having the hard conversation about coming home with rotary the 2nd week of May and they suggested I come home the next Tuesday I ( #1 freaked out a little because that was literally 5 days away and #2 realized that I couldn’t go home without fixing what I had broken.) So I changed the subject, a theme you might be seeing, and asked what I had to do to stay. The answer was clear. "Do or do not. there is no try." cryptic? Not to me. I had to pull myself out of my depression whole or come home. There is no "I'm trying my best in there." only do or do not. So I did.
Step one was talk to host family and see a doctor. Step two talk to friends. Step three take steps to be healthy. Step four be happy again. Step five finish exchange with a bang! Currently I'm on step five. (Praise the Lord) I'm doing 100% better and am so pleased that I overcame.
I have 30 days left before I come home. And with these 30 days I intend on being as happy as possible! And may the force be with you as you do or do not. Besos de Peru!!